[Any rebroadcast with the express written consent of FEE, Inc. is still in pretty bad taste.]
CA: I'm sitting in the palatial North Dakota retreat of Froggio himself, sitting in the famous Gouda room that you've all heard so much about. Until today, no one but Froggio his architects, and countless lucky young "friends" have seen the inside of this plush "pad". I'm looking around, and... well, it's quite indescribable, but particularly beautiful. The smell is wet and beautiful, with a low undertone of slimy musk, and the light is bright but diffuse and seems to be emanating from the figure in front of me. Thank you for having us, Mr. Froggio.
F: Please... call me Froggio.
CA: I suppose we should start at the beginning. When you talk about your past, you seem to have been so happy herding cheese. Why did you choose to part with this pastoral paradise and leave Mississippi for the United States?
F: There comes a time in a man's life when he realizes there's more to it all than curds--there must be some deeper whey. Though the women of my country begged me to stay, I knew I had a destiny ahead of me... and I thought I should eat muskmelon, a treat not available in my native land.
CA: ...and from there? Were you restless, searching for something you could not quite articulate, developing that special rapport that you share with others, and that we, your adoring fans, have come to yearn for in quantity?
F: No... I just wanted the muskmelon.
CA: I see. And did you enjoy the... muskmelon, when you finally got your chance?
F: Please... there are some things too... personal to share with the public. But if you should turn off your microphone later, I might be inclined to let you nibble on my melon yourself.
CA: (gasps) Um. Actually, I feel our readers would be more interested in you. We've seen so much of you in the media and public venues, but we'd like to know more about the being himself. Could you tell us more about the man behind the pectorals?
F: I am a sensitive, caring, loving individual. I constantly read things... like books.
CA: What's the most recent book you've read, and why did you pick it out?
F: A fitness book, actually: Total Tongue Training for Tight, Tender, Torrid Tasting. It's magnificent, including several chapters on lifts, exercises, and a special appendix on "Tongue-Tao", the Way of the Tongue.
CA: And did you follow the regimen?
F: There's a good reason I can catch flies on the wing... and that's not all this Total Tongue can do.
CA: Oh! Ahem. You've conquered the hearts of the world, and fans everywhere are wondering what you'll do next. Will you go back to your native Mississippi, or do you have wider, more supple, heaving plans?
F: Actually, I've been thinking lately that I would like another muskmelon. I live one moment at a time; I never know what I'd like to have... next.
CA: Froggio, you are an idol for so many women. And all of them would like to know: what do you look for in your ideal women, and are you taken or still available to all those hopeful souls? What does Froggio look for in his partners? What gets his attention? What, to be blunt, makes him sweat?
F: Well, Cynthia, first of all I am available... very available, right here and now. I can't claim to have an "ideal divine figure" in mind, except of course my own. (laughs) But as long as she can admire and accept me for who I am, then she is the whipped cream at my sundae bar.
CA: (laughing) Toss some chopped nuts on me, big fella. Ready to try that muskmelon now?
F: Mmmm.... muskmelon... ooohhhoOOOOhhhh....
(at this point, the interview tape ends. Tape was recieved in the mail dated 30 Nov 96; Ms. Abflex has not returned yet, taking extended vacation time)
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