Green Eggs And Hamlet


[Enter Hamlet]

H- Dead Ham-my-Dad
   King Ham-my-Dad
   oh how I miss
   that Ham-my-Dad.

[Enter Ghost of King Hamlet, Hamlet's Father]

G- Wouldst thou kill King Claud the Bad?

H- I will kill him, Ham-my-Dad.
   I did distrust King Claud the Bad.

G- Wouldst thou kill him here or there?

H- I vow to kill him here or there.
   I could kill him anywhere.
   I doth not love King Claud the Bad.
   I doth not love him, Ham-my-Dad.

G- Wouldst thou kill him as he prays?
   Wouldst thou kill him watching plays?

H- I will kill him as he prays.
   I shall kill him watching plays.
   I vow to kill him here or there.
   I shouldst kill him anywhere.
   I doth not like King Claud the Bad.
   I doth not like him, Ham-my-Dad.

G- Wouldst thou kill if Gertrude minds?
   Wouldst thou kill him most unkind?

H- Oh, fuck dear mother, pay no mind.
   I'll make his mortal coil unwind.
   As he prays.
   Watching plays.
   I vow to kill him here or there.
   I shouldst kill him anywhere.
   I doth not like King Claud the Bad.
   I doth not like him, Ham-my-Dad.

G- Could you?  Could you?  As he sails.
   Just him!  Just him!  Without fail!

H- I would, I could, as he sails.

G- You might find it hard to tell.
   You might kill someone else.

H- I would not, could not someone else.
   Just Claud-the-Dead!  I'll do it well.
   I will kill him as he sails.
   I will kill, thy will prevail.
   I will kill though mother minds.
   I will smite him most unkind.
   I will kill him as he prays.
   I will kill him watching plays.
   I vow to kill him here or there.
   I will kill him anywhere.
   I doth not love King Claud the Bad.
   I doth not love him, Ham-my-Dad.

G- A bed!  A bed!  A bed!  A bed!
   Couldst thou, wouldst thou, in his bed?

H- In his bed!  As he sails!
   Claud is worm-food, no one else!

G- Say!
   As he chats?  Not alone, at that!
   Would you, could you, as he chats?

H- I will kill him as he chats!
   I will strike that squeaking rat!

G- Couldst thou kill though it be sin?

H- I'll, in a nutshell, do him in.

G- You do not like King Claud the Bad?

H- I doth not like him, Ham-my-Dad!

G- Wouldst thou kill, revenge my death,
   take thy mother's husband's breath?

H- I will kill, avenge thy death,
   take incestuous uncle's breath.
   I doth not like King Claud the Bad!
   I doth not like him, Ham-my-Dad!

G- You will kill him.  So you talk.
   Try to!  Try to!  You might not!
   Try to, you might not, I thought.

H- Dad!  If you will let me be,
   I'm not a weenie.  You will see.

   Say!
   I sure screwed up really bad!
   I did!  I stank up, Ham-my-Dad!
   I can't kill him as he chats.
   I pierced Polonius.  Imagine that!
   I couldn't kill him as he sails,
   just sent two friends express to Hell.
   It wasn't because my mom's devoted
   that I wish my girlfriend floated.
   I cannot kill him as he prays.
   I cannot kill him watching plays.
   I vowed to kill him here or there.
   But speech is easy, life's unfair!
   I do so hate King Claud, it's true.
   He's dead, though so's the rest of us too.

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