SUBJECT: Joie de vivre TIME: 12.45P MOOD: Excited MUSIC:

I'm on my lunch hour. Sitting here next to Der Richter und Sein Henker and feeling guilty about not reading it. As I've said to many others, I've completely given up on college. I'm just ready to leave. Maybe I'll stop going to German and just do the final Exam. I'm sure it won't be that difficult. I've been getting straight B's on almost everything so far. I had a really depressing conversation with Matt this morning about sex and what it means to either of us. I think his vision of sex is very narrow, almost puritanical in some respects. I take more of a 1960s attitude towards the whole thing I guess, but it's just so much less important to me than it is to him. I mean, he has to have a serious relationship with someone before he'll have sex with them. I think that's an awful lot of pressure to put on someone who just thinks you're hot. It's a long depressing story that I'm trying to put out of my mind. Basically we have completely opposing views on sex and no amount of conversation is going to change that. So I prefer to let it go and just enjoy myself. We just need to let each other go. In better news, I had a great time watching Notorious C.H.O. with Tom last night and listening to Shirley Q Liquor. My face is sore this morning from laughing so hard. And I've decided Tom is a belligerent drunk. He likes to say he's "angry" but I disagree since he starts fights and shit. *laffs* California Friend. And speaking of California Friends, Maurice the hot dancer, sent me an email today and I about creamed myself. i had a really fantastic time with him and I wish I could put it into words. Sometimes I wish I really wasn't so limited. I have to go back to work now. Stupid Job. Stupid School. I'm ready to travel. I miss Eric.

SUBJECT: Study For a Re-Ressurection TIME: 3.00P MOOD: Sleepy MUSIC: Zero 7 - Spinning

free me from these chains / I need to change my ways / heal these broken wings / I need to fly far away / free me from these thoughts / long forgotten, never known / take these angels' wings / I know you'd like to carry on I had a long weekend. To say the least. (By the way, today is "smile at David in the most bizzare way possible" day. Vera WINKED at me for god's sake.) So let me break it down for you. FRIDAY: It snowed. It snowed like mad all day long. And it was that heavy wet snow where you go outside, walk a block, and come in freezing your ass off, soaked to the bone and dripping everywhere. So I took my umbrella to class. That didn't really help me because it was so windy, but I still made it to the gym. The snow didn't help the fact that I had to get to my opening performance in Cleveland that night, but Matt was kind enough to drive me and Bacilio so we could all do the thing. The show went well, though we were all a little nervous. Afterward we stayed for a talk with the choreographer and some of the dancers. Apparently in the program there was an invitation to an afterparty with the "Dancers and Musicians" at the Lava Lounge. Of course, no one told the musicians, so I figured I'd better go. Thanks to B and Matt for letting me know. Lava Lounge was nice and we sat around for a while (B didn't even get carded) and drank. Johnny Mischief was there too, with his friends, and came over to schmooze as I got liquored up. (God this song is so good.) Alexander came over to apologize for not letting the musicians know about the afterparty, and promised that he'd take us out the following night. It wasn't a problem for me since I was there regardless. Though we weren't sitting with the dancers. Just right next to them. Bacilio took a very strong interest in Tom, the director of Dance Cleveland, and I in both Alexander and Paul. They both appear naked in the show and I would just like to thank Jesus for being so kind to me. Even Matt was excited. A while later, Maurice -- another of the dancers -- came to the table to give me a hug and tell me what a great job we'd done. I thanked him and introduced him to Matt and Bacilio. He sat and talked with us for a while before he decided to get a bottle of Framboises and "crash our party." He talked with Bacilio in earnest about dance and the programs here and at University of Maryland, where he teaches. After being blown away that Matt is a chemist, he invited us to go with the dancers to a club in Cleveland for more drinks and lots of ass shaking. I am not a dancer. Not even at clubs when I'm really drunk (though occasionally I'll get on the floor at the Sco if there's a million people there and I can carry a beer with me). And I couldn't imagine why a group of people who just got done with a dance concert would want to go out and dance some more. Maurice didn't understand either, and he and I sat and talked for two hours or so, sipping drinks and otherwise flirting with each other. People came and went from our group to sit and shoot down the admiring glances of the handlebar-moustache-man, and shirtless-armband-boy. But Maurice and I didn't move all evening. Around 3.00A we decided it was time to go. Maurice asked if we could hang out the next night and I said absolutely, and he gave me a gentle kiss and waved goodbye. SATURDAY: I spent most of the day in bed, though I finally got up to watch X-Men at 11.30 and get some lunch. I fell back asleep when Matt wanted to watch a movie and woke again at 5.00P by which time I had to take a shower so I could make call. The show went well, though it seemed endless. All of the music was going too slowly and I was so tired from all the drinking the night before it was hard to concentrate on what I had to do. Especially knowing that Maurice was right in front of me and getting lost because he was listening to me sing. Afterward, he invited me to dinner with a few of the dancers at Snickers and I got tipsy again. He kept holding my hand under the table during dinner in the world's most innocent way, and I began to have a hard time telling the difference between blushing and alcohol. After dinner we went back to the Grid, this time with only Alexander and Tom, and Maurice and I spent a lot of time making out and getting to know each other better. After a long debate, we went back to the hotel room without saying goodbye to the rest of our group and fell asleep happy. SUNDAY: Spending the night in Cleveland was an interesting experience. I didn't have anywhere to go once I woke up, so I decided to go see if Hugh was home, grabbed some coffee at Truffles and spent a little time shopping at Tower City before going to the Theater at 2. By that time I think it had been well established in the company that Maurice and I were "together" in whatever way that means. During the whispering section of the show, I stood by him and told him that I'd had a really great time the previous night and that I should come to DC in April to see the show again (which Bacilio thinks I should sing in and get paid for). And after another fantastic show, and a rather sad goodbye kiss I got in the car and drove off. Needless to say, it was a fantastic weekend. And hopefully I'll get an email soon and I can thank him once again. Right now I just kinda feel empty, like you usually do after you finish a project or a show. It takes up so much time in your life and when it's gone all of a sudden your remember all the stuff you were putting off while doing something else. I'm just glad it's a short week because I'm really done with all this college shit. I can't wait until I get to leave this place and be an Alum. I may be institutionalized, but at least I still have one foot in the real world. Now if I can put the other foot on the other coast, I'll have the whole country between my legs. HA! I'm tired. I'm gonna go bother someone.